Friendship

Sorry for the long hiatus, but I have been getting my life back in order. I've been getting my health back into shape after some little meltdowns. All is well now though... I'm doing MUCH better. Thanks to all for the well wishes and concern...

Now, I am reflecting on friendship and what it has meant in my life.

I had a very out-of-the-blue visit from a long lost friend of mine from high school. We only were together during my junior year her senior year, and were inseparable. She ended up moving after her senior year and we just lost touch... inexplicably. We found each other here and there through casual emailing, but hadn't seen each other for 15 years. She emailed me two weeks ago saying she'd be in town for a conference and would love to get together. My response... "absofreakinlutely!" Normally when I get these requests from friends of long ago I am more hesitatant... because it's awkward. Or at least I'm awkward with the unknown... will we have anything to talk about? Will we have changed too much to feel like friends again? etc.

It was fantastic. My husband said that we were like long lost sisters reunited. It was two days of catching up and just being the silly, carefree, caring friends we were. We visited the old haunts and just hung out. I realized just how much I missed having friends around. I moved a lot during my childhood so have grown used to having friends and losing them, so losing this friend years ago just seemed normal. When she left last week I felt like weeping. I felt lost again... set adrift. I finally saw a hole in my life. I have lots of virtual friends - you all out there. I have a few close friends I keep in touch with over email and I see once or twice a year, but no constant, present friends.

I had a consult with my holistic health guru yesterday and discussed this void. It was a breakthrough, I broke down, I was weeping uncontrollably. She had me list 15 things that make me a good choice as a friend. I did so reluctantly. It did make me feel slightly better... but still, I'm scared. I told her this. She suggested I start a book group here where I live and just invite all kinds of people and see what happens. I have run book groups before, but never from my home. I'm nervous. What if no one shows up? What if it gets started and then just fades into nothing... I'm full of all kinds of self-doubt. I want to try. I want to succeed... but I do feel like a teen embroiled in the "do you like me? check yes or no...." conundrum. I need help, but don't know exactly how to ask for it without sounding pitiful.

Ok, had better go now... tears starting again... non-productive blogging will soon follow... Thanks for reading... Hugs to all...

Odd Habits

I have been tagged by my friend Genna. If you don’t visit her blog already, add her to your list! She is amazing, smart, witty, strong, and beautiful.

These are the rules I’ve been charged with: "The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits" of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals." I hope I can live up to this!

1) I can never just step onto an escalator… it takes me a few seconds to get up the nerve… especially if I’m holding anything in my hands like shopping bags. I let my left foot linger over the moving steps until I get up courage and then I hop on.

2) I blow on ice cream as if it’s hot when I have the first few spoonfuls. Then I realize I’m doing it and I stop… Only a few people have noticed me do this.

3) I “surf” in my sleep. My pillow always ends up lengthwise under my torso.

4) I often dream things a few months before they happen. Sort of a premonition thing.

5) When I watch the news and see murder or kidnapping stories I can usually figure out what profile the culprit is going to fit. As a result, I have stopped watching the news, since this is a habit I want to break... it freaks me out too much. Instead, I read the news… for whatever reason, if I read it, instead of watch it, it does not have the same impact. The last time I watched the news was during the Washington, DC sniper scare.

Whew! Now, I tag the following….

Helena,
Chloe,
Nabeel,
Eric,
Shauna
-- YOU’RE IT!

What is Your Sesame Street Persona??

Can you believe it!? I'm Elmo!! I hope that doesn't mean I'm ever-so-slightly obnoxious... I can handle the cute part, but that voice for any extended period of time can be wearing... Stole this from Chloe... read on...

You are both somewhat organized. You have a good
idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably
clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Elmo has the
same basic approach. His place is pretty tidy, but he doesn't spend all
of his time cleaning it up.

You both are abstract thinkers. You definitely are not afraid to take
chances in life. You only live once. You may notice others around you
playing it safe, but you are more concerned with not compromising your
desires, and getting everything you can out of life. This is a very
romantic approach to life, but hopefully you are also grounded enough
to get by. Elmo's whole life is based on fantasy and his imagination.
In the beginning he was a regular character, but now he spends most of
his time in this fantasy world.

You are both somewhat extroverts. Like Elmo, you probably like to have
some time to yourself, but you do appreciate spending time with your
friends, and you aren't scared of social situations. Elmo spends some
of his time with real friends, but he also needs some time just to chat
it up with his goldfish.

You can take it too! :
The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo

Hiding Under the Covers...

Today was one of those days where after kissing the hubby goodbye... all hell broke loose. The phone was ringing off the hook, my nerves were fried, and I had a quick cry trigger going on. I just started weeping and wishing I had never gotten out of bed.

I think my stress level began with yesterday's adventures. We took a day off to focus on replacing our one car which was about to go over 100,000 miles. Hubby has a long commute. We've only had the car since 2003. Went to dealership #1 and they couldn't make us a deal we could live with- we were there for 3 hours. Went to dealership #2... they were able to deliver... after 6 hours... Needless to say, it was a long and stressful day. I think that experience is what fried my nerves and it so happened to carry over to today.

So... when I get in these helpless moods I feel like eating. Luckily, thankfully, wonderfully, my dietician called me just as I was about to gorge myself. I took a few deep breaths and cuddled with my dog. I felt infinitely better and was able to continue my day. I think it's amazing how simply carefully breathing can bring me out of a funk. Now if I can just get to bed on time tonight, maybe I'll kick this streak! :o)

Ice Cream!! How I miss thee!!

I was going to write an "Ode Upon A Empty Pint Of Ice Cream"... but I'm not feeling poetically inspired this evening. I can't eat ice cream any more... actually, that's not entirely true. If I make it myself and put in every single ingredient with my own two hands. I'm sure I'll resort to that in the summer. Lately I've been trying to substitute things like chocolate and ice cream with decaf coffee concoctions that are super creamy, just so I get the same kind of aftertaste going.

Can I risk it? Dare I? I often fall into that frame of mind where I think just this ONCE??? Well, to give you an idea, the last time I had even a small dish of my formerly favorite ice cream I was at the hospital within the hour. I couldn't stand up straight. I couldn't talk. It was like getting struck by a carrageenan comet. This was one of the events that led to my diagnosis. I need only think of that incident and I'm cured of my desire for store bought ice cream.

In honor of my inability to indulge in this former passion... would you be so kind as to add to my virtual freezer and take this idiotic test to see what your flavor is? I have been told that ...

I Am Brownie Batter Ice Cream

I've been known to lick *everything* clean

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Oh! To Be Twitterpated...

Twitterpated is one of my favorite words...

To find out what it means (if you don't already know) see my response to Nabeel's post to "Good Things Come in 3s"...

The girly squirrel here could be described as being obnoxiously twitterpated (but still darn cute)...

Good things come in 3s...

I've always had the philosophy that good things come in 3s since it's too depressing to follow the 3rd time's the charm approach...

1. I consider you all one BIG good thing. Your kind words the last weeks have been very helpful to my self-esteem. The thing about this insidious disease is that it makes you feel unappealing and bloated most of the time (no matter how well you follow a gluten free diet). I feel like I'm wearing an inner tube most of the time... your comments help me float on through....

2. Good car news! I may inherit a car! It's a nifty little Toyota Camry. I'll give you more details if you want, but basically my dream may come true sooner than I think. Hopefully it will happen before or around my birthday in March.

3. The real estate business has taken off again in these parts. Got 3 offers today on 3 different listings. Also got 3 new listings! Lots of threes... see??? I tell you, this philosophy can do you no wrong... :)

Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi... You're My Only Hope...

In the spirit of Green's comment that I resemble Carrie Fisher circa Star Wars... I coincidentally got a letter in the mail over Christmas from my childhood friend whom I used to play Star Wars with... This usually meant I was Han Solo and she was Princess Leia. This is the first I've heard from her since I moved after 3rd grade from Portland, Oregon to Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Oi! It was truly out of the blue. So... as I child I never got to be Leia. Now you've got me thinking, Green... perhaps I need to fill that void... host a Halloween party this year as Princess Leia... hmmm.... No dining room table needed for that! You be the judge... this is the closest my hair has ever come to being Princess Leia-esque... Too funny!

Makeover for the New Year

I've been doing so much thinking about inward change, that I've neglected the outer a little. Friday I've scheduled my first haircut in weeks and can't wait! Take a look at this picture (taken a about a month ago) and let me know if you have any ideas!?

I also hope to finally find a dentist... I have not had a cavity yet, knock on wood... but haven't been to the dentist in years. These 30 year old teeth probably need some TLC. There are lots of things we forget to do when obsessing on other things. I had a year of mostly focus on Celiac. I had to change my entire lifestyle. As a result I cared more about my insides (quite literally). Dining with me has become an adventure that I do not inflict on most others. I went to quite a few holiday parties where there was all this scuttling about - trying to accomodate my needs. I truly appreciated it, but sometimes I wish they'd just let me help! It's very difficult to explain what I can/cannot eat. My mother-in-law handled it best. She called and had me send her a list - even had me shop with her before she bought food for her pantry. My husband and I visited for a few days and she wanted to be prepared. I also brought along my new favorite thing! LARABARS! They are the best!! I can't eat gluten now, so I miss my ClifBars and other nutrition bars... but these are GF! They totally rock. The company is so cool that they gave me a nice t-shirt... my hubby calls it my sexy shirt... shows off my curves... ha! Anyhow, if you like dates and nuts, these are for you!! They come in really great varieties... check them out... www.larabar.com. They were absolutely a gift during the holiday season... kept me safe from the hospital!!

The New Year has also brought some tough realizations. Money is tight. There will not be a car for me in the near future. Eating, it seems, is more important. Go figure! We also are in dire need of a dining room table... we haven't had a housewarming or guests over yet and we've lived here for almost half a year now... it's pathetic. There is something in me that just wants to nest- no matter how silly it is. It's not out of being pretentious. I don't actually think that in order to entertain you HAVE to have a dining room table. It's just something I'd like to do and am holding onto that like holding on to my dream for a car. To be sure, there are many more important things in life... having kids, improving myself... the odd thing is that I can link having a car and dining room table to those goals... now if that's not cracked up... I don't know what is...

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Stole this from Green TOO!

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Teach my dog to fly. Get your resolution here

You think it's possible??? Look at that face! :)