Bundle of thoughts
Sometimes you need an outlet... something to get your head straight before you head into your hangups, problems, what-have-you... at full throttle. This is what this will be for me. I intend to not use the delete key.... not to censor. But I'm sure my intentions will meet obstacles...
I live a very happy life to all outsiders. I have no major complaints. No tragedies. Let's get the not-so-major obstacles I face out of the way: my restrictive diet (I can't eat gluten/lactose intolerance), fear of driving, my dog is neurotic & does not get along well with others, my husband may/may not want children... That's it! You say? Well, that's enough for me to obsess about... I intend to do so... right here...
I was watching some kids today while eating dinner at a local restaurant. My husband is very good at blocking out the kiddo noise unless he's in a bad mood. I constantly critique. I think of how I would love being a parent so I could be one of the few who other adults (kid free) look at and say " now THAT'S a good parent, look how well behaved those kids are). That's, of course, a daydream... a luck of the draw scenario... of course, I guess some lead a charmed life.
Perhaps someday I will have a child. I am still young - 30. I think of my aforementioned neurotic but VERY loveable dog... she hampers my thoughts of motherhood. She has hostility issues with everyone except us. Who knows how she would react to a baby... Anyone out there with experience with training dogs who seem to snap, out of the blue? She is normally very docile. She seems very friendly. There have only been a few incidences... those have been enough though. We now don't even know if we can leave her in the care of a housesitter. She's too unpredictable. Perhaps we're the neurotic ones... I often wonder...
Fear of driving... well, I don't know where it began, but mothers that don't drive could encounter some difficulties, no? I do plan on getting my very first car soon, but it may take awhile given finances. I have a very accomodating husband. I just feel it's time now.. time to conquer my fear... I have the license... now I must overcome this... Does anyone out there have this somewhat irrational fear?
I'll get to my nutritional oddities later... I don't want to come off as a Woody Allen-esque caricature right of the bat... let me get warmed up...
posted by Ruth @ 9:26 PM
2 Comments:
Good for you. It is great having an outlet. How long have you been married? It might be good that you have your dog to occupy your "motherly" instincts. Practice run? How do you know your husband does not want to reproduce?
Thank you for visiting my site. My blog is also my outlet. My blog allows me to voice all of the ugliness that happens in my life and then it allows me to let it go.
I will bookmark you and come back soon. Would love to hear about your diet. Sounds similar to my mom, who is allergic to everthing wonderful.
Hi Carla! Thanks for the kind words! My husband and I will celebrate our 4th anniversary this year, but have been together for 9 years. The baby thing is not an all consuming topic (luckily), but I do worry when I think about the unknown and time slipping away. Re: foods... what I eat now has made me feel much better - I was essentially malnourished for several years since my allergy to gluten made it impossible for me to absorb nutrients. I had numbness in my legs, feet, arms, and hads - we thought it was neurolgical... I am so much healthier now by reading lots of labels and eating mostly whole foods. It's actually been a real learning experience. I now know what all those chemical names are on the backs of packages... and most of them = gluten! I've had the dairy allergy my whole life and it's much easier to control. I just eat it in moderation and try to stick to soy products as much as possible. I will be writing about the "let it go" aspect of blogging in my upcoming post... your post was very apropos... cheers!
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